Athning

Varianta în română

I’m generally very lazy. I waste time and try to find a motif in it. But that motif is only ideal and I’ll never find it. Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’ll find myself in that searchy void. Looking recursively. For whom? For nobody.

For me. I’ll see myself looking for myself in an empty void that’s somehow filled up with nothingness. A space build by me, trying to order chaos, because, at least in my disorderly opinion, nothingness is relatively ordered.

I let everything pile up around me. I threw everything together and now I don’t know which is which and what’s to start with. I picked them up without looking and I made a wall out of them. It used to be a stable wall, but now I feel it starting to crack up. I need to patch it. Or dismantle it completely and call a friend to come help me place the bricks properly. We’re gonna throw away the broken bricks and build a new wall, with a base made completely out of order. It doesn’t have to be new order, I’m happy with previously disordered order.

Patching up walls is not good. If you patch up too much, you’ll have more patch than a wall. Then, you’ll end up with more problems. Why would you want a wall made out of problems, when you can have a basic wall. You can climb it and it will hold. Even though it’s basic. While when a wall made out of problems collapses, you’ll be an under-problem(s). Isn’t it better to be just a simple brick?

Build a wall made out of solutions to problems. Solutions are absolute. Then, anybody with a problem-brick can come by your wall. But who do you think you are to believe that your wall is the most stable one? You’re just a product of bricks.

Maybe walls aren’t good, maybe they cause trouble. Let’s transform walls into forests and bricks into… animals? It looks like a better analogy. Bricks can’t fight, while animals can. Animals can evolve. Do you want to let this happen? You don’t have a choice. No matter how stable bricks are, they can be destroyed. Made chaos from order. Animals can’t. They’re simultaneously ordered disorder and disordered order. If you feed them, they’ll reproduce. If you feed them selectively, you can change the direction in which your forest is going. If somebody asks what’s up with this disordered forest of yours, you can just reply it may not look ordered, but it’s got its own way.

How do I turn this chaos into order? I’ll turn the forest into a lake and animals in fish. Now, I can see which fish are hungry by just dipping my finger into the water. If they’re that which I’m looking for, I can feed them. If not… will they eat each other? Maybe.

You can’t change the world if you’re not even able to change the direction in which you’re going. You’re going in a certain direction. Which direction? You don’t know. It’s all fiction.

You can’t see it anywhere. Everything in front of your eyes is nothingness. But isn’t nothingness in something?

You’re looking for something in nothing. But isn’t something somewhere?

Everything’s a -thing. No beginning, no end, yet… -ere?

I don’t know where it is. What it is. It leaves traces yet it’s never seen. It made me spin around until I got sick. It’s faster than me. It already knows what I will and will not do. It’s somewhere between me and not-me. I can only choose how in-between my path will be. No matter what I do, I’ll never catch it. It’s fooling around with me.

If it doesn’t have a shape, how do I know it’s an it? Maybe it’s a he. Maybe it’s a she. Maybe it’s all three.

It’s hard to make order out of chaos. You created it in the first place anyway.

You’re still looking for something. Something you can hang on to and throw the blame on. Only to take your mind off it.

But it’s not there anymore. You see its trace and ask someone where it is. They say they don’t know, but you know it was there.

Why is it so hard to phrase your thoughts? Because that’s what you want? Because you think that something that cannot be phrased can’t be understood by others? True. But only by being able to phrase your thoughts you’ll be understood. Both by others and by yourself. If you can’t phrase the something, how can you repeat it to yourself? Give it a shape, make It shine, make it something. Or else you’ll end up with walls again.

You’re a product of what you want and what you don’t want yourself to be. You need to carefully choose your limits, or you’ll end up in an unknown, unexpected void, looking for… Something again. You have to be below your (absolute) positive self and above your absolute) negative self. Or else, you’ll end up lost again.

But the thing is inside the space you’ve previously maldefined. Now you either have to find its trace again or make up a new -thing. That you can disappoint and that can throw you into disorder when you leave it behind.

This -thing deserves a name. How do you name something made out simultaneously of a positive and a negative ideal? Something that you want yourself to be in under any circumstances? Super-, infra-, positive, negative-… -thing. Simultaneously opposed? Superfranivity? Too long.

Must it be an -ity? Part of an entity?

Be it something, be it nothing, it be somenothing.

Be it nothing?

No, it be something. It be something that’s not nothing.

Be it… Athning,

From Athning, with lightning,

Adding a bit of something

To nothing,

Through creation ‘n innovation,

We’ve come to Innation.

Innating something we’ve gotten Athning. There’s not A thing it doesn’t know by us-surrounding.